Here's how it happens.....

As a survivor, I can tell you—this hits deep.

Here’s how it happens, step by step, and it’s so subtle at first, you won’t even see it coming.

In the beginning, they seem like everything you’ve ever wanted. They admire every part of you, mirror your passions, your language, your dreams. It feels like fate, like finally someone sees you—really sees you. You feel chosen, cherished. They call you their soulmate, the love of their life, the best thing that ever happened to them.

But then…

One day, they snap.

It’s over something tiny—trivial. You're blindsided. You feel confused, shaken, and start questioning yourself. What did I do wrong? Did I trigger something? You believe if you just explain, fix it, or try a little harder, everything will go back to the love you knew in the beginning.

But here’s the truth:

They don’t want understanding.

They want control.

At first, their jealousy seems like a sign they care. So, you make little compromises: change how you dress, avoid certain people, adjust how you speak in professional settings—all to “keep the peace.” But the peace never lasts. The demands increase. The emotional leash tightens.

Before you realize it, you've lost touch with people who matter to you. You second-guess your words. You’re anxious around their moods, walking on eggshells. You live in a state of hypervigilance. Not because you’re weak, but because you're trying to survive something designed to confuse and trap you.

They use rage, then silence, then charm—a vicious cycle meant to destabilize you. They rage, disappear, guilt-trip, or punish you emotionally. Then they apologize, shower you with attention, and pull you back in. But the apologies come less often. The love bombing disappears. And you’re left with their true face—the anger, the insults, the gaslighting, the emotional abandonment.

And the most painful truth?

The person you fell in love with was never real. That was a mask, a performance to hook you in. The real version—the one you’re left with—is the one who seeks power, not partnership. Control, not connection.

Red flags matter.

If your partner gets angry at you over small things, tries to isolate you, belittles you, or makes you feel like you’re the problem—please, pay attention. This isn’t love. This is manipulation. This is abuse. And it doesn’t stay emotional forever—it escalates. Verbal abuse becomes mental torture. Cheating becomes emotional warfare. And yes, it can turn physical.

Don’t wait for someone to change who doesn’t even admit there’s a problem.

That behavior is not a flaw—it’s who they are.

Narcissists feel no shame. No guilt. No empathy. Their only concern is what they can take from you before you’re too drained to fight back. They will steal your peace, your spirit, your self-worth.

But you are not powerless.

You are worthy of real love, safety, and joy. You are not alone. There is help—friends, family, therapists, support groups. And healing is possible.

Find your strength in Jesus Christ.

He sees you, loves you, and calls you worthy—even when they made you feel unlovable. He brings restoration, healing, and freedom.

Please, if any of this sounds familiar, take it seriously.

Get out. Heal. Rebuild. You are not what they did to you.

You are more.

You are enough.